hand on my heart,
i'm making progress

09/21/2026 8:10 PM

well. i did it. i went a whole year without updating my blog. what makes the situation more frustrating for me is that i actually did get a blog draft written back in March, but i never quite finished it. i kept meaning to finish it up & get it posted, but that didn't happen. now it is September, & my life has completely changed once again. so that is annoying.

let me just go through that old draft point by point & see what's still applicable.

my ex-partner, Kenny, & i broke up back in December 2025. it was quite painful & sad. what's weird is reading what i wrote back in March, when i was five months post-breakup, & comparing it to how i feel now, ten months later. damn. wow. the good news is that we are on friendly terms again, & both of us have been dating (but not seen much luck) (nevermind i have a girlfriend now, that was unexpected. but maybe i'll write about that later.) i guess that's all i want to say about that right now. believe you me, i was going through it earlier this year. but such is life.

around the same time as my breakup, i got a new job... which i lost in June, not even three weeks after moving into my new apartment. i am still pretty upset about how i lost that job, but i don't wanna write about it on here. instead, have what i wrote back in March:

i have a new job as a gradeschool tutor. i'm really happy about it, since i used to tutor children online for several years, & i found it rewarding and fun (if often challenging). working with gen alpha has been... well... often a challenge, but very amusing. all of my students have been silly as hell so far, & some of them can be very sassy. i've gotten 6-7'd probably half a dozen times so far after one semester of working with gen alpha. i expect that i will continue to be 6-7'ed. here are other things my students have called me:
- Mona Lisa Cookie
- Imposter Amongus
they also say things like "i'm so cooked" & "i'm crashing out" only since they're like six years out it sounds more like "i'm cwashing out!!!"

a few weeks ago one of the sassier ones just straight up told me that he wasn't paying attention to the lesson, because he was playing Five Night's at Freddy's on the tablet. then he accidentally exited the classroom app. when he came back into the app a few seconds later, i was pretending to be really scared & said "omg buddy!!! i was worried that Freddy Fazbear got u!!"

he said with utter conviction: "Freddy will never get me."

that's just one of the many stories i've had with these little kids. there are so many. there's another amazing saga with a third grader i tutor who sometimes pretends to be possessed by a demon & starts covering the camera & speaking in a deep voice. i love kids so much, they are so based.

but yeah, i'm currently unemployed. i miss a lot of those kids. some of them i don't miss as much.

here is another part of the draft i was working on-- this must have been edited in May to include this part:

in between work & grad school, i've been searching for a new apartment since there's no reason for me to stay in a two-bedroom apartment by myself. after i think close to two months' of searching, i finally secured a studio apartment!!!! it's in a great location, by public transport, by all kinds of stuff. ^_^ i kept praying for weeks, begging the Universe to finally send something good my way after all the bullshit i've been through, & i like to think that it finally delivered with this one.

i've been living in the studio for a little over three months now, & i really like it! it is kind of small & has been taking some getting used to. but there is lots of closet space. i'm paying too much in rent, but i guess that's fine for now. there are worse things.

the moving process was very stressful for me. it was the first time i had moved on my own. luckily one of my besties was there for me as my "moving doula," lol. in those weeks preceding the move, i kept telling myself that everything was going to be okay & that my future would be okay. i kept telling myself that once i had settled into my new place, i would be able to get a boba tea & walk along the beach.

i put this off for a while-- like two months after moving in. i think i kept putting it off, cuz i was overhyping it in my head & i was afraid i would be disappointed. but then one day i just did it. i got the boba. i got kiwi green tea, which was actually gross but whatever. i walked to the beach. it was so close. it was just there. i started crying on & off when i saw lake michigan. i felt like people were looking at me cry. i kept thinking about how i made it. ten years ago, i wanted to be on my own in Chicago. & here i am.

but at what cost? i kept thinking about my dad, how i wanted him to be there. how i wanted to tell him what i was seeing. i thought about my sister. i thought about how i am turning 35 this year. i think i was lost for a long time. but the day i went to the beach, it felt like i knew who i was & where i was. i kept walking & listening to music along the beach. i felt like a little kid, like this was the way i imagined my life could be, when i got to walk along the beach whenever i wanted. i felt many strong complex emotions.

i just had to walk there.

anyway, i really hate the capstone course i'm taking for my MLIS. but it's the final course i have left of my grad program. inshallah i will have a Masters degree by Christmas.

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